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Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Why Indecent Dressing Is Not The Cause of Rape - Sisi Afrika.

Here's an Interview we had with Dasola (a.k.a Sisi Afrika). In this post, she shares her story about her rape experience, how she overcame it, and also her view on: Why Indecent Dressing is not the cause of rape.

Read on...


Can we meet you?

My name is Dasola B'oluwatife Tewogbade. I'm currently a student of Obafemi Awolowo University studying Physiotherapy. I'm an actress and pastry maker.

Sisi Afrika

I'm a rape victim, I've overcome the trauma that comes with being raped and I can now write freely on rape, helping other victims in the process.

What really is rape?

I define rape as any sexual activity where the consent of one of the party is not given. It can be any sexual activity from touching someone that does not want to be touched sexually, to having sex with someone that does not want it. Consent is a clear agreement. It cannot be implied. What a girl wears to visit you does not imply that she has consented to have sex with you. Consent to be your relationship partner or marriage partner is not a consent to having sex. Having sex with your dating partner or your wife without their consents is called date rape or marital rape respectively. A consent that has been given can also be withdrawn. This is a very important grey area. Some believe that as long as you have agreed to have sex with them, you can't withdraw your agreement. A girl can discover she is not ready for a sexual activity while the sexual activity is already going on. If she tells you to stop, don't take it to mean that you are hitting the right spots. Stop means stop!

How I overcame my rape experience.


Firsly, I must admit that for two good years, my rape experience ate me up. The person that gave me instant rehabilitation and help was immediately cut off by me because I did not want to be reminded of the experience. I became a very bitter person. My relationship suffered. My human relations degenerated (I was scared of almost every male I came across). My sleeping and eating pattern changed. The nightmares. I got extremely depressed.

These all happened because of the fact that I couldn't speak out to someone. I felt I couldn't trust anyone, I felt it would be used against me, I felt I would be condemned and stigmatized as the one who went out looking or asking for someone to rape her. And everyday I hated myself and everybody else, thinking about suicide at every turn in my life's journey. I felt worthless, like I did not deserve to be alive, like I was less than human, like I had done something to deserve the rape.
I tell you, you will NEVER understand what rape victims pass through unless you've experienced it. It's crazy.

Some people, especially males, make jest of their fellow males who are brave enough to come out with their rape stories and even joke that they'll like to be raped too. You guys really don't know what you're asking for.

All of these did not change until I spoke out to a friend. I discovered that there were actually people out there who wouldn't blame you for being raped. I found out that it was not my fault when someone showed me how a woman should be respectfully treated. I found out that the rapist was solely to blame for taking advantage of me.
Then immediately after these realizations hit me, I forgave myself, I stopped blaming me. I forgave my rapist too, holding on to the bitterness would never let me heal. Gradually, I healed and here I am.


And why indecent dressing is not the cause of the rape?


I think what a person wears is the person's right. You can decide to be a nudist and go about in your birthday suit. It does not mean that you are less of a human than the non-nudist. It is your right. It is the responsibility of those whose hormones are roused by that to keep their eyes off your body, to keep their hands off your body, to keep their genitals off your body. It is their responsibility.

This means that anyone who preaches the gospel of decent dressing for females, either from the cultural or the religious perspective, is actually encouraging rape. The act of rape is the sole responsibility of the rapist.

In conclusion...

To all the rape victims, I hope you've learnt one or two things from this article.
It may sound impossible but you can get over it and get to this stage where I am now that you can talk and write freely about your experiences to help others.

You were raped and wanna talk?
Feel free to contact me @SisΓ­ Afrika on Facebook.
Cheers!

why indecent dressing is not the cause of rape - GirlieFix Blog

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